Leaving someone special

In the midst of preparing to move out-of-state, I am also dealing with leaving a man who I have grown close to over the last year and a half.

During our time together, I have realized that he is not the man for me, at least long-term. I have even tried to break up with him a couple of times but each time, we ended up back together. I am drawn to him.

He is kind, caring, loyal, loving, gentil  sweet. He’s a hard worker. He listened to me while I was going through my divorce and let my cry on his shoulder. He is very understanding. He takes me out to dinner a lot. We both aren’t good cooks so going out is easier. He is a talented musician and still performs, which is fun to watch. He is so attentive to me in every way and just wants to make me happy. He is constantly complimenting me and my body, which I am not proud of, my own personal struggle.

So why am I am not happy with him you ask?

He is 15 years older than me, which is neither a positive or a negative, except I really want to be with some closer to my  own age. He only eats maybe 6 things, we don’t agree politically, he is not a fan of kissing, which I am. He has a gun collection and I am not a fan. He says “I dont know”a lot. He isn’t passionate where I need him to be.

I don’t feel challenged. I definitely do not love him. Am I being too picky?? I have enjoyed our time together. I am not a fan of being alone and neither is he. So we are just go along until I leave. He thinks that I am making a big mistake in leaving and that we could have a great life together. I feel in my heart that I would be settling, and I can’t do that, it’s not fair to both of us.

We have always been extremely honest with each other from the very first date, which is very refreshing after everything I have gone through. He knows how I feel about him as well.

Bottom line is that if I stay, I will be lazy and just continue to see him because its comfortable. If I go, it forces me to move on, which is really best for me. It will be very difficult to leave him but I know deep down that is the right thing to do. I have till May. We decided to continue to enjoy each others company until then. Of course, he could always visit me and I could visit him when I come back to see my family.

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