Divorce. I can’t believe I am saying that word, let alone going through the process. And the cost… don’t get me started.
I work full-time, but like a lot of the working world, I don’t make a lot of money. I had to do this with one income now. Mind you, he walked away and did not help me with anything financially. How can someone morally do that??? Like I mentioned before, I made some changes to my bills, put them all in my name, some were easy, some were a little more complicated. I had to make sure that I could afford to stay in the house during this mess. I am very good with money and budgets, so I knew I would be ok if I stuck to my budget. It’s hard enough going through this but moving on top of it would have broken me for sure, emotionally and financially. Plus having the 2 dogs and a cat makes it difficult to find a place fast. I also sold some things, that I did not need, to make some extra cash.
The more I learned about divorce laws in my state, the more angry I got. my state is a 50/50, no fault state. Did you know that the average divorce costs $15,000? That’s probably why a lot of people stay together because they can’t afford to get a divorce. There were no children involved as well, which made it much easier. And the legal process is too slow for my liking. I am a “let’s get this done” kind of person. I hate wasting time. The longer the process, the more money the lawyer takes. Thank god, my lawyer excepted payments. I refused to charge my legal bills.
So after I got the legal process started, I then went through my house and collected all his personal stuff that he did not take and boxed it up. I threw out every photo of him from every frame and album. I also went through my Facebook page and deleted every photo of him and every comment mentioning him. That took a while. I also had to go on a blocking binge so he and his new ______ and friends could not see what was going on in my life. By the way, Facebook, as much as I enjoy it, is the route of evil. Statistically, it is the cause of a lot of marriage breakups. And some people use it as a tool to cause harm. I was very careful and did not post anything derogatory. In fact, I really didn’t talk about this issue at all publicly. It’s definitely not the right place to do it. The inbox is another story. That’s where I could say anything I wanted to let people know what happened. Needless to say, 99% of everyone he and I had in our lives stuck with me. Could you blame them?
With the house and social media cleaning done, now I needed to get back into a daily routine again. Boy the house was quiet. Some people would like that and I like some quiet but I had no one to talk to. It was very lonely. Even though the dogs are a lot of work, I am thankful that I have them with me during this time. They gave some comfort and I felt protected. Going from being with someone for 25 years to being alone practically over night was really difficult. I needed to get out of the house! Thank god for family and friends!! I tried to make plans every weekend and at least 1 night a week. I gave me something to look forward to. I work from home so I was always there. Too much alone time played with my emotions. So many triggers, so many memories. Someone once said to me, ” you will look back at the good times”. Really?? I was too angry and hurt to look back at any good times. Who knows if I ever will.
I tried going to a therapist, but after 2 visits, I just didn’t feel it was for me and I really didn’t have the extra money either. I needed to get through this on my own and lean on family and friends for support, something I am not used to doing. Everyone was great. I am very blessed to have a big family and lots of caring friends. My work family was very supportive as well.
I am the type of person who needs a plan. Life is too short to sit idle. I made the decision that after the divorce was final, I would move closer to my family and friends from back home. I dread moving but I look forward to the new start. I just had to get through this mess first.
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